Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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