bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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