Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
