Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
