i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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