his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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