how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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