you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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