he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
