I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
