i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
