Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
