Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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