I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
