Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just cut my nipple shaving
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
