so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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