Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
