We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
