I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
