k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
