This is not my ceiling
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
