sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
