I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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