Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like eating out sand paper
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
