just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
