she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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