eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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