Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
