Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
