I just saw a hot homeless man
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
