hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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