Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
