He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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