is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
