Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
