I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize