I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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