my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
