I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
