Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
