There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
