my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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