He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
