He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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