Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
