At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
