Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
