The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
