True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize