but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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