You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
