Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't deserve a penis
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
