My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
