I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
