I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
