I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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