Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
