dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
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Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"