I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!