we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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