Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
