but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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