3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I am morally bankrupt
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
