I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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