I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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