Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
love makes seman taste better
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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